Service Industry Truths

I recently read an article about President Obama increasing the federal minimum wage, including those continuously overlooked employees in the service industry whose dismal wage, well below the standard minimum age, is also due for an increase.  Kudos, about damn time.  This reminded me of an essay, or more like a non-fictional account of my life I had to write for a class at UM-Flint in 2008.  Putting in nearly 10 years with the service industry is something I definitely don't regret,  however it's certainly something I'll never forget, if you've worked in the industry before, you should find this amusing, enjoy!

One Tough Gig

Since when can I ask did manners go out of style?  There’s absolutely nothing that perturbs me more than rude, cheap people and there’s nowhere perhaps more accustomed to seeing both rude and cheap people than waiting tables or bartending.  Trust me, I speak from experience.

Allow me to set the scenario for you.  A couple walks in and sits at your table.  Peering from behind the wait station you try to guess what kind of mood these people are going to be in, but you really have no clue what you’re about to get yourself into.  Walking up to the table in a light, peppy step you greet the folks and then all of a sudden, it’s as if time has stood still. 

“Good afternoon folks, my name is Lisa how are you doing this lovely day?”  Crickets can be heard chirping outside.  Then suddenly, their mouth begins to open, waiting in anticipation and a smile on your face, their response is “Can I get a coffee?”   You immediately realize that this is going to really be an enjoyable experience for all parties involved. 

So you walk away with your slightly less peppy step to grab the coffees.  Walking back to the table you deliver the coffee and begin your typical spiel about today’s catch of the day!  In the middle of explaining the sale price on crab legs, you’re immediately cut off mid-sentence with; “We’re only here for the coffee.”  One word pops into your head, unbelievable.  The next words you would like to say is, “Mannerisms are also on special today, would you like a cup or two?” But you don’t, you simply nod and walk back to your venting area, better known as the kitchen. 

Approximately twenty minutes go by and another familiar scenario walks through the door; the family of five with two toddlers, an infant and of course the mom and dad who appear to already be arguing.  Approaching this lively bunch you quickly realize that this table is going to be quite the contrary of the last table you waited on. 

“We want Mountain Dew!”  exclaims the kids.  The mother looks at you and says “they’ll both have water.”  Dad pipes up and say’s “C’mon let them have a Mountain Dew, they’ve been good today.”  Then it hits you, oh no, world war three is upon us.  After an awkward minute or two of intense arguing and kicks under the table, you are finally able to get their drink order.  

After delivering the drinks to their table, you walk away and give them a much needed minute or two to figure out their food order.  A few minutes go by and you start back towards the table and suddenly you’re a bit puzzled at what that you see on the table.  Immediately you realize that the children are building this gigantic castle, made of coffee creamers and packets of sugar.  After finishing up their food order, you ask the mother if she would like you get the children some coloring books and crayons, assuming the kids must be bored out of their minds.  “They’re fine!”  Terrific, you think to yourself, just go ahead and let them keep building Buckingham Palace there on the table.  The children and the father all state in amazement at the woman, the tension could be cut with a knife. 

“You know what you could get me though, are some crackers for my baby.”  You do as you’re told keeping in mind the nice tip that will be waiting for you after the great food and service they receive. 

Dinner is finished.  The table looks as if a bomb of ketchup, mustard and creamers exploded on it.   The kids are running around like a bunch of wild hyenas.  It appears as if a saltine cracker tornado just ravaged across the carpet.  Is that creamer on the ceiling?  In disbelief, you deliver them their bill and wait patiently for them to leave.  These troops really should retreat back to their safe haven, wherever that is.

Now you’re approaching a deserted battlefield, when in astonishment you stop dead in your tracks and peer down at the $2.50 tip lying on top.  The bill was $60.00 and they left a $2.50 tip.  You’re quickly reminded by a fellow waiter that you make less than $3.00 an hour for that?  Your blood begins to boil. 

Do people really think that a $2.00ish tip is the standard for a dinner out?  Perhaps they simply don’t have a lot of money?  I get that.  Trust me, I totally understand, but then perhaps you should stop and ask yourself if going to the restaurant for $60.00 is a good idea before you jump in the car. 

After a long and exhausting day, your shift finally comes to an end.  Walking towards the door you peer over and see the old couple from earlier in the day still sitting in their booth, over welcoming their stay and definitely exhausting the coffee supply.  You stop and ask yourself if you should wait until they leave to collect your tip, yet just then you’re quickly reminded of the events from earlier and conclude that the estimated $.10 tip wouldn’t benefit much to your college tuition.  With less than $25.00 in your pocket and your spirits worn thin, you climb into your car, drive to the nearest gas station and pick up a newspaper, because after a shift like that, want ads are sounding pretty tempting.