Healthy competition?

To say I’m a competitive person is an understatement.     I wouldn’t go as far to say I’m a sore loser, but I’m a sore loser.  I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been overly competitive my entire life.  Growing up in a small town with two older brothers, I’ve always felt the need to be better than everyone else, so much so that when my 10^th grade basketball coach moved me out of the starting rotation, I quit the team.  I don’t like to do things I’m not good at, period.  I don’t necessarily need to be the best at something, but mediocrity is not an option.  I’ve tried to change my ways and accept the fact that I can’t be good at everything, but I can’t get it through my thick scull.  Take for example bowling, I suck at bowling, therefore I don’t bowl.  It’s deductive reasoning at its finest.  I’m pretty good at cleaning, therefore I clean a lot.  Now I know what you’re thinking, bowling is fun, or winning isn’t everything, or my personal favorite don’t compete with others, compete with yourself, all in which are incredibly true statements for a majority of people out there, I simply have a hard time believing in these relatively simple and factual statements personally.  Take for instance the gym.  I’m a pretty avid exerciser and do my best to push myself out of my comfort zone, but you know what really pushes me to excel out of that comfort zone, the skinny bitch two treadmills down who should put up her kicks and grab a doughnut.  Or my favorite, the 50 year old dude who is running laps around me.   No offense to him and it’s awesome that he’s in such great shape, but I refuse to be lapped by someone twice my age, hence I kick it into high gear and prove something, what that something is, I’m not sure half the time.  I’m beginning to convince myself it’s proving the fact that I’m overly competitive, selfish and an asshole in more ways than one.  Hopefully putting this on paper will offer me a moment to reflect and change some of these ridiculous tendencies I’ve embraced most of my life.  After all, competition can be healthy and a good attribute to an individual, when it’s not abused.  I do think I’m my own worst enemy in a lot of ways and at the end of the day, I need to step back and realize that being over competitive is exhausting and ultimately, an unfair standard to abide by.

Mi Mama

Mi Mama

This photo of my mother and I, was taken last fall.  We've been through a lot together and I admire her overwhelming kindness and resilience.  She's a one of a kind lady and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
                                                                     Abraham Lincoln